Here’s some advice on adjusting to parenthood from the book “How to Survive Your Baby’s First Year” (Hundreds of Heads Books, www.hundredsofheads.com, $12.95), straight from people who’ve done it.
“My husband is such a competent, confident person that not knowing exactly what to do with our baby was unfamiliar territory for him. After quite a few arguments, I realized that it’s critical to make a father feel competent. Encourage and support him with his baby and give him lots of opportunities to succeed. For example, in the beginning let him hold the baby at times when the baby’s likely to be calm.”
— Robyn, Biglerville, Pa.; mother of a 1-year-old son
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“You may not bond immediately with your new baby. Sometimes it takes a while to get used to being a mom. Don’t feel you’re inept or undeserving just because you’re not instantly enamored with this little wrinkled, crying, pee-and-poop machine!”
— Anonymous, Alameda, Calif.; parent of a 7-month-old daughter
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“Here’s a piece of advice that many mothers receive, but few follow: Take time for yourself. Babies are sweet, cute, cuddly, and very demanding. All the time. As they grow into toddlers, they are still sweet, cute, cuddly, and even more demanding. All the time. When I say to take time for yourself, I mean to go away for at least one week every year. Go someplace where you can relax and take care of yourself. Don’t feel guilty. Leave the child with your husband and/or parents. They’ll be fine. And you’ll be even better when you return. (Start planning next year’s trip shortly after you return!)”
— E.G., New Haven, Conn.; parent of a 20-year-old daughter
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“Don’t be fooled by all the people who paint parenthood as this rosy, soft-focus thing. It’s hard every single day. There are days during the first few weeks of parenthood where the baby does nothing but cry and eat and poop, and you’ll be tired and cranky and you’ll wish you had never gotten pregnant. And that’s OK. You aren’t evil if you sometimes regret this huge thing that happened. Those thoughts are usually fleeting. And it does get better and easier over time.”
— R., Redmond, Wash.; parent of a 6-year-old son
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“No matter what you do, your pre-baby life is never coming back.”
— Margaret Keene, Hermosa Beach, Calif.; mother of an 8-month-old daughter
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“I’m in a dinner club with a group of women. We run the gamut—professional women, a 39-year-old friend who was recently engaged, a few moms who work, some who don’t. There’s a sense that we all want to be able to quote the front page of the ‘Wall Street Journal,’ prepare a gourmet dinner for our family after a day in court, plan our child’s birthday party, and watch their gymnastics class ... but you can’t do it all.”
— MaryBeth, San Francisco; mother of a 4-year-old daughter
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© 2007, Hundreds of Heads Books, Inc.