Here's some advice on surviving the holidays with your in-laws from the book "How to Survive Your In-laws" (Hundreds of Heads Books, www.hundredsofheads.com, $13.95), straight from people who've done it.
“Each year my father-in-law hosts a big family Christmas celebration. We’ve never gone, and we never will. Instead, my husband and I plan another day to spend with my father-in-law around the holidays. It’s important to do what you want for yourself and for your spouse. If you go through life thinking, ‘I have to do this for my in-laws,’ or ‘My in-laws have to come over for this holiday,’ you will be miserable. Instead, seek out compromises. If you hate having your in-laws at your home, go to them or meet someplace.”
—Paula, Westport, Conn., years with in-laws: 5
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“For the sake of your marriage and your family, it’s important to create your own traditions. When we got married, both of our parents lived in town, and if we didn’t immediately claim one holiday for ourselves, we might never be able to. We decided Thanksgiving would be ours. We left town to prove how serious we were about being alone together, and it quickly became a tradition for the two of us to go away on Thanksgiving. When we had children, we started staying home on Thanksgiving and doing things together as a family, like playing board games, watching football, and having a fondue dinner. It’s a special time for us.”
—P.O., New Brunswick, N.J., years with in-laws: 22
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“My wife has a big family, and they make a big deal out of every birthday. Many of the birthdays fall between Thanksgiving and Christmas; there seems to be a party every other night. I decided one year that it would have to be OK if I didn’t attend every single one. It was just too overwhelming. It’s important to build our own traditions as a little family in addition to the bigger bashes.”
—David Trent, Woodworth, Ohio, years with in-laws: 15
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“My wife had two sets of parents, and they lived 100 miles apart from each other. However, when the holidays rolled around, we were expected to celebrate with both sets. It’s a good thing I didn’t have any contact with my parents, otherwise I don’t know how we could have done it. For example, we had Christmas breakfast with one parent in Sherman Oaks, then drove 100 miles to Santa Barbara for Christmas Day, then back to Sherman Oaks for Christmas night. It was a drag, but I did it because I loved my wife.”
—Barry Greene, Los Angeles, years with in-laws: 10
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© 2007, Hundreds of Heads Books, Inc.