Here’s some advice on dealing with your in-laws when you have kids, from the book "How to Survive Your In-Laws" (Hundreds of Heads Books, www.hundredsofheads.com, $13.95), straight from people who've done it.
“My mother-in-law commented harshly on how my husband and I are raising our kids. Even though my sister-in-law tried to talk with her, my mother-in-law refused to admit that she was wrong. We went for months without speaking to her, but finally for the sake of our kids, my husband gave in and called.”
— Anonymous, Hellertown, Pa.
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“You’d think someone who raised four kids herself would know not to give kids as much junk as she gives our kids. I’m hesitant to say anything because she’s doing us a favor watching them. But she’ll give them ice cream and cookies and brownies, all in one sitting. It’s just too much.”
— M.K.M., Owings, Md.; years with in-laws: 1.
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“My husband and I have an agreement that we will each deal with annoyances from our own parents and siblings. One year we visited his family in Florida with our 6-month-old daughter, who hadn’t yet started eating solid foods. My husband’s mother and sister tried to feed her everything from bread to cranberry dessert and pushed the issue when we told them no. Because of our previous agreement, I could sit back and let my husband tell them, ‘You parent your kids and we’ll parent ours.’ Later, when it was my mom who expressed disapproval with the way my husband disciplined our daughter with a ‘time out,’ I stepped up and told my mom to butt out.”
— Alisa Bauman, Emmaus, Pa.; Years with in-laws: 7
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“If you don’t want to have kids, be patient with your in-laws. Let your new family learn what your reasons are. Share explanations with the extended family. We told people that we enjoyed spending time with children in the family and asked family members not to exclude us from those activities. Show an active interest in nieces and nephews, and then you’ll be part of everything. We recently had one niece stay with us while she finished her master’s degree. We’re very close with the ‘kids’ in the family.”
— Franne Davis, Champaign, Ill.; Years with in-laws: 12
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“My mother-in-law had the nerve to call the other day and say that my four-year-old son was too young to start preschool. I was blown away by this. Not because she is wrong, but because she actually presumed to say such a thing. I understand she’s concerned, but you have to let your in-laws know — as I did in this situation — that you will raise your kids as you want. I told her that everyone has the right to an opinion but to keep hers to herself in the future.”
— Kadesh Hardie, Frostburg, Md.; Years with in-laws: 4
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“Before I had my first baby, I spent hours and hours worrying about the impact my in-laws were going to have on him. I think I worried so much because I feared losing control to my mother-in-law. But once my son was born, I never felt like I didn’t have control over how he was handled. I realized that my mother-in-law probably butted heads with me because she was the one afraid of losing control. My son is a year and a half old now, and I try to step back and let my mother-in-law interact with him in her way, but I have the satisfaction of knowing that I have ultimate authority over how we raise him.”
— Anonymous, Emmaus, Pa.; Years with in-laws: 3
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© 2007, Hundreds of Heads Books, Inc.