Here's some advice on being part of your in-laws’ family from the book " How to Survive Your In-Laws" (Hundreds of Heads Books, www.hundredsofheads.com, $13.95), straight from people who've done it.
“My father-in-law is a crass, vulgar man with no boundaries. When we did anything that involved him, we would tell people to expect the worst so they wouldn’t be completely knocked completely off guard. With someone like him, all you can do is warn people.”
—Linda, Port Jefferson, N.Y., years with in-laws: 30
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“I love to ski with my in-laws, who are in their early 70s. They’re a bit more cautious now, and I guess we can’t always count on them being physically able. But it’s truly a wonderful day to spend with them. My mother-inlaw is cute: She’ll take a hot chocolate break every few runs.”
—Anonymous, Orinda, Calif.
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“After we moved from New England to Alabama, my wife’s mother was acting like the umbilical cord was still attached. She was telling my wife how horrible I was for taking her daughter away. My wife told me how horrible her mother was making her feel. I told her, ‘You’re 29 years old. It’s either me or your mother, because I have to be down here.’ And after that she chose me, luckily.”
—Anonymous, Birmingham, Alabama, years with in-laws: 4
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“Once we helped my mother-in-law move, only to find that she had packed everything from the last 20 years of living in the same place. We were tired and hot, and when we saw she had packed spices that were at least 10 years old, we’d had enough. We started throwing whole boxes in the trash—without asking—so we didn’t have to move them. She was so mad at us when she found out. We still laugh over it. Sometimes you have to join forces to survive.”
—Anonymous, Atlanta, years with in-laws: 10
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“I was 17 when I got married. Because I was so young, my in-laws tried to mold me into what they wanted me to be. They complained if I didn’t send birthday cards, make coffee in the morning, invite certain people over to my house ... the list goes on and on. I wasn’t mature enough to stand up to them. For about 10 years, I neglected my own family and spent most holidays with theirs. Finally, my husband and I decided to move out of state to get away from them, and things got much better. My advice to the young brides out there: Be careful! You’re especially vulnerable to ‘in-law shaping’ when you get married so young. If you know this before walking down the aisle, however, it will be a lot easier to deal with.”
—Janis Hackett, Centennial, Colo., years with in-laws: 38
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© 2007, Hundreds of Heads Books, Inc.