Planning your wedding? How much are you letting the in-laws help? Here's some advice, straight from people who've done it:
AS MUCH AS IT HURTS TO SAY THIS, don’t let your in-laws pay for anything with the wedding. If you are able, pay for it all yourself. We let my wife’s parents pay for the wedding, as the bride’s family usually does. It’s not that I’m ungrateful; we wouldn’t have been able to do it ourselves. But ever since the big day, I have had to hear over and over how much of a financial burden it was for them.
—BRANDON BUCKLEY
YOUNGSTOWN, PENNSYLVANIA
YEARS WITH IN-LAWS: 16
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ANYTIME MY FIANCÉE and I had something serious to do for the wedding, my mother would take my fiancée’s mother out to do something else. That way, my fiancée and I could go by ourselves and not feel pressured to do what her mom thought was best.
—ANDREW JESPERSEN
CANFIELD, OHIO
YEARS WITH IN-LAWS: 18
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MAKE SURE YOUR FATHER-IN-LAW AGREES to pay for the booze, and that he doesn’t go cheap on you while doing it. My wife’s dad said he would pay for everything, but then we found out that he had ordered the cheapest beer he could find and bottom-shelf liquor.
—JIM
PITTSBURGH, PENNSYLVANIA
YEARS WITH IN-LAWS: 16
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WHEN PLANNING THE WEDDING, set boundaries for your in-laws, but don’t verbalize them. Instead, let your actions do the talking. If they start getting pushy or carried away, politely reply, “Oh, but I really want to do this,” or “Well, I already have this in mind.” This way, you can get them to back off without being rude.
—CANDICE PORTER
OVERLAND PARK, KANSAS
YEARS WITH IN-LAWS: 1
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MY HUSBAND IS FROM A COUNTRY-CLUB type of family. I am not. When we were planning our wedding, I assumed that his family needed things to be a certain “Amy Vanderbilt” sort of way. I tried far too much to please them, at the expense of our budget and time. If I knew then what I know now, I would have worked less to please them and more to please my husband and myself.
—JENNY
DENTON, TEXAS
YEARS WITH IN-LAWS: 12
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WE HAD BEEN SAVING FOR A WEDDING, but then we eloped. On our first anniversary, we went to Italy for two weeks, using the wedding money. I recommend this. Why use it all in one day when you can spend it over two weeks in Italy?
—ANGELA
WAKE FOREST, NORTH CAROLINA
YEARS WITH IN-LAWS: 8
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