Divorcees weigh in on whether one can be friends with the ex.

Getting divorced? Here are some true stories of divorce from the book "You Can Keep the Damn China!' And 824 Other Great Tips on Dealing With Divorce" (Hundreds of Heads Books, www.hundredsofheads.com, $13.95), straight from people who've lived it:

  "We are still friends. Not go-out-and-have-fun friends; there's still a lot of pain for both of us. But good friends. I still love her, even if I'm not in love with her and we can't be together."
  _ Peter Steur, Brisbane, Australia
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  "I found a box of my ex-husband's Christmas ornaments that he'd had since he was a child. I could've thrown them out and he probably wouldn't have even known, but I gave them back to him. There's no reason to be nasty. It just makes things easier if you're nice."
  _ C.E., Beacon Falls, Conn.
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  "He said if I ever wanted to give him my dog, he would take him. So when I moved to New York I gave him the dog. And it was fine_we are friends. I wouldn't pick up the phone and say, `Wanna meet for margaritas?' But it's over and in the past. Unless it's a threatening situation to you, why waste the energy being full of spite and hate and being nasty?"
  _ Anonymous, Atlanta
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  "Bill who?"
  _ Samantha, Los Angeles
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  "After we separated, we said we weren't dating anyone else, but we both were. I went to our home one weekend to get some stuff_he was out of town_and I found a girl in his bed. I had told him I was coming over that weekend. I saw the girl and said, `Who are you?' She was like, `I'm your husband's friend.' I said, `Why are you in my house?' She said, `I'm sorry, I'm his girlfriend, and I needed to do some laundry.' I was like, `Great, that's fabulous.' So I called him up. He was in Florida visiting some friends. I said, `Hello, asshole, I told you I was coming over this weekend. I was pretty sure you were seeing someone, but I didn't need to see this. And I didn't need to see her in my bed, the bed I was going to take to my house, the bed that, by the way, you are going to buy me new mattresses for now.' He was horrified. He said, `She is not supposed to be there.' I think most people would have screamed and yelled. But I just tried my best to keep my cool. It wasn't about her. It was about the fact that my husband and I didn't get along and it came to that moment."
  _ Sally, Etowah, Tenn.
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  "Even after the divorce is final, your role as coparents will continue for years. I remember thinking to myself, "I know what you're thinking," as my ex-husband would walk toward my house. I was ready for battle, and he hadn't even opened his mouth. I would find myself suddenly and unreasonably angry. In time I learned to compartmentalize things. I would remind myself that I was talking to my child's father, not my ex-husband. I locked the former marriage relationship away in my brain so we could focus on our daughter."
  _ Maria Isbell, Austin, Texas
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  Hundreds of Heads Books' survival guides offer the wisdom of the masses by assembling the experiences and advice of hundreds of people who have gone through life's biggest challenges and have insight to share. Visit www.hundredsofheads.com to share your advice or get more information.
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