Getting divorced? Here's some advice on breaking the news to friends and family from the book "You Can Keep the Damn China! And 824 Other Great Tips on Dealing With Divorce" (Hundreds of Heads Books, www.hundredsofheads.com, $13.95), straight from people who've done it.
“Before I told my mother about the divorce, I was thinking that I had the same feeling when I was about to tell her that I was pregnant: that same sense of nervous anticipation. The only way to do it is just to come out and say it. And don’t be surprised if the people closest to you say that they had an inkling that something was wrong. It’s hard to keep that stuff from the people who really love you.”
—A.P., Corriganville, Md., married 3 years, divorced 10 years
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“I told each person in my life as I felt ready; not everyone took it well. Many people were not surprised, especially those who really knew what my marriage was like. The people who loved me for who I was were sad, but they were also very accepting of my choice. The hardest ones to deal with were the people who judged my choice and told me what they thought even before I asked. I lost a lot of friends, but I found out who my real friends were. Also, that made room for new friends!”
—Leslie Young, Tacoma, Wash., married 7 years, divorced 1 year
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“When I told my family, I knew they would not be happy, and I knew the dangers of their taking sides or getting in the middle of things. I had a plan for what I would and would not tell them before I went into the situation. Don’t enter into a discussion about it. You are not discussing it; you are simply informing them of your decision. End of story.”
—Alexis, Knoxville, Tenn., married 5 years, divorced 2
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“Telling your friends is completely different from telling your family. With family, you often feel some shame and guilt, as if you did something wrong. But friends often feel happy for you because they’ve seen the pain you have been going through. People tend to keep that from their families and save it for their friends.”
—Mark Walburn, Midland, Md., married 2 years, divorced 1 year
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“It was very tough for me to tell people. I called people up a few at a time, but I mainly hoped they’d find out by word of mouth.”
—Penny Phipps, Tucson, Ariz., married 12 years, divorced, remarried 15 years
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“Not many people can take the brunt of dealing with their friends going through a divorce. Why give the entire job to them? They have enough to deal with on their own. I shared a bit of pain with each of my friends. Involving different people helped me to dissipate the frustration quicker through different perspectives. Also, seeking out a professional counselor took the responsibility of “keeper of the ill will” off my friends and placed it on somebody who was getting paid to help me deal with it.”
—Chris, San Diego, Calif.
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© 2006, Hundreds of Heads Books, Inc.