Getting divorced? Here's some advice on splitting finances and property from the book " You Can Keep the Damn China!' And 824 Other Great Tips on Dealing With Divorce" (Hundreds of Heads Books, www.hundredsofheads.com, $13.95), straight from people who've done it.
“Women, you just have to be ruthless through the whole divorce process. It’s really your last chance to get yourself some financial security for the rest of your life. You have to put all the good times in the past and look at your husband and his money as your key to future happiness. Take no prisoners, or you’ll regret it later.”
—J.P., Cranberry Township, Pa., married 26 years, divorced 3 years
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“You need to get something for what you give up. It’s common to hand over your assets if you feel guilty or want to expedite the painful process of separating, but you may regret some of your choices later. I told my ex that she could have our house. If I did it again, I would’ve gotten an appraisal and at least got some money in exchange for this.”
—Dave, Greenbelt, Md., married 8 years, divorced 1 year
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“Divide the assets and furniture as soon as possible. Get it in writing with an attorney and sign it as soon as possible. The longer you wait, the more likely you will get to the anger phase of divorce and start arguing over things.”
—Alexis, Knoxville, Tenn., married 5 years, divorced 2 years
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“Lots of people think that, when a couple gets divorced, the woman ‘takes the man to the bank.’ This is a myth. When my marriage ended, my ex-husband kept our house with the pool and spa, and he didn’t have to pay one cent of child support, because I made slightly more money than he did.”
—Debbie Redden-Brunello, Temecula, Calif., married 15 years, divorced 4 years
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“If you think you may get a divorce, don’t run up the credit card. I didn’t realize that once you are legally separated, the bills become yours, even if you’re not divorced yet.”
—M.R., Plano, Texas, divorced two years
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“Dividing our possessions was actually quite simple: I just threw his stuff out the door.”
—Debbie L., Camillus, N.Y., divorced 12 years
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“You have to think beyond the obvious. Upon unpacking in our separate houses, we realized that my husband had ended up with all the wine, and I ended up with all the wine openers.”
—Janny, Santa Cruz, Calif.
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“Make a budget that does not include child support. If you happen to actually get your child support, it will seem like a bonus; if you don’t, you’ll have a plan. And remember, it takes women a long time to recover financially from a divorce. Don’t beat yourself up for being broke.”
—M.L.E., Saratoga Springs, N.Y., married 12 years, divorced 5 years
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“Freeze accounts if you need to. Although all of our monetary assets were to be split 50-50, I did not have any of our files that showed all of our assets. While contacting different mutual fund companies (primarily through memory), I found out that my ex started redeeming shares without my knowledge. I ended up freezing all of those that I knew of. Although that meant that I could not access my share of the assets, at least the assets were still there.”
—Kathy, Kent, Wash., married 8 years, divorced 5 years
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“I wish I had worked out a more concrete plan for my child support. I should have set up a legal arrangement, but we had been working very hard to make it amicable for my daughter. It never crossed my mind that he would try to punish me by keeping her child-support money from her. He was delinquent for four years. Make a concrete plan! And make sure the amount will increase as your child gets older and the cost of living increases.”
—C.L., Sandston, Va., married, divorced and remarried 4 years
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“A friend gave me a tip one time: If you’re getting a divorce and you think she’s going to be getting married again soon, pay her alimony because it will stop when she gets married. I knew my ex-wife would be getting married soon, so in our divorce I agreed to give her child support and alimony. The alimony stopped when she got married.”
—Ken D., Atlanta, married 19 years, divorced and remarried 20 years
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© 2007, Hundreds of Heads Books, Inc.