Getting divorced? Here's some advice on dealing with lawyers and the law from the book “‘You Can Keep the Damn China!’ And 824 Other Great Tips on Dealing With Divorce” (Hundreds of Heads Books, www.hundredsofheads.com, $13.95), straight from people who've done it:
“When divorcing someone in the military, you need an attorney with expertise in this area, as the laws that apply are different from those for a civilian divorce. I found this out the hard way. My husband was a Marine, but I never really thought that divorcing a Marine would be any different from divorcing a cab driver. Boy, was I wrong. I did find out that there are many lawyers out there that specialize in this. I just wish I had known that ahead of time.”
— Denise Labatos, Youngstown, Pa.; married 24 years, divorced 6 years
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“Attorneys have no financial background at all and most are bad at managing their own money. Do not rely on your attorney to get the best settlement for you. You need a financial advisor.”
— Maggie, Brookline, Mass.; married 5 years, divorced 2 years
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“My wife and I had a mutual friend who was a divorce attorney. We both ran to him and asked him to represent us through the split. He told us both no. We were both pissed at him. After it was all over, though, I came to understand his decision. Whichever of us he had chosen, the other would never have spoken to him again. I had just lost my wife, but at least I retained him as my friend, and at that time I needed all the friends I could get.”
— George Rapso, Girard, Ohio; married 8 years, divorced 23 years
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“Make sure that YOU file the divorce papers with the county! My husband had agreed to file the divorce papers, but I found out four months later that he had never filed them; we were still married! He knew that we were still married, but I spent those months assuming that we were divorced. When I found out, I immediately filed those papers myself!”
— Ingela Koponen, Sweden; married 20 years, divorced 14 years
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“If you know it’s going to go smoothly, you don’t need an expensive “shark” lawyer. You can use your money for something else. I picked a cheap lawyer because I knew it wasn’t going to be a big battle. We didn’t have a lot of stuff to fight over. We didn’t own a house. We had separate bank accounts. All I wanted was our twins and for the whole ordeal to be over as easily as possible. We came up with an amount for child support. He agreed. It was cut-and-dried.”
— Della D., Bridgeport, N.Y.
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“Get a mediator, or at least a lawyer with a mediation service attached. Lawyers often inflame situations; they’ll show you exactly why you should be upset. Any divorce is going to involve compromise, and a mediator can help with that.”
— Anonymous, Amherst, Mass.
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“If you can get through the process without hiring lawyers, you are better off. My friend hired one for her divorce, and it sucked so much money out of the family fund that by the time it was over, there was no money left to fight over.”
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© 2007, Hundreds of Heads Books, Inc.