Getting divorced? Here are some true stories of divorce from the book "You Can Keep the Damn China!' And 824 Other Great Tips on Dealing With Divorce" (Hundreds of Heads Books, www.hundredsofheads.com, $13.95), straight from people who've lived it:
“When dealing with lonlieness, remember all the things that annoyed you about your ex, like picking up his shoes or doing his laundry. Think about them daily.”
— Anonymous, San Antonio, Texas, married three years, divorced six months.
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“The way I got through that time was red wine and cigarettes. And friends. My friend said I had a permanent red dot on my forehead from leaning on the palm of my hand all the time.”
— Anonymous, Atlanta, Ga., married three years, divorced eight years.
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“Even though my marriage was over for several years before I left the property, my home was hard to leave because I had put so much into it. So I put a lot of effort into our new residence, even if it was only a rental. The kids’ input was of great importance to me. I wanted them to feel they had some control over their new home.”
— Tracy, Frederick, Md., married 15 years, divorced one year.
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“I needed to find a temporary place to live, but we were in another country and I didn’t know a lot of people, nor did I have much money. I pretended I was single and on my own, and it just wasn’t working out with my two male roommates (one was my husband). I also kept the location of my new digs a secret from my husband for about two months, because I was frightened of his behavior.”
— Kim, Minneapolis, Minn., married four years, divorced four years.
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“Take time to process your marriage — what was right, what went wrong. And, give yourself that time to heal. Forgive yourself, cry, get angry, whatever it takes.”
— Dawn Petchell, Arlington, Va., married two years, divorced one year.
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“On the first day by yourself, you go through an emotional rollercoaster. You savor your newfound freedom, but soon come to the scary realization that you are now alone. I got through it with the support of my parents and sisters, as well as my friends being on call whenever I needed them.”
— Rich Schafler, New York
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“A divorce is easy if you own nothing and have no children. And, if it’s an option, moving to another country also helps.”
—R.J., Redmond, Wash.
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“One day I met up with an old college roommate who lived in a house with some friends, and after I confided to her how unhappy I was in my marriage, she suggested that I move in with them. When my husband was gone I packed my belongings, left him a note, and moved out. I had an instant community of people my own age. I was able to create a new life fairly quickly, and I started dating a friend of one of the guys in the house. If I had moved into an apartment by myself, I would have had a much more difficult time.”
— Elaine, Seattle
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“Prayer helps. Early on, I felt tremendous guilt regarding my child: The nights when he was with his dad were the worst. Finally, with time and a lot of prayer, I learned to not feel guilty.”
— Suzanne, Fort Collins, Colo.
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“There’s really no easy divorce. You go through a grieving period and eventually find yourself, and a new direction for your life.”
— D.M., Long Island, N.Y.
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“When you’re in the throes of a divorce, it’s way too easy to sit down and cry, and frankly, crying and being angry just make a person tired! I kept a journal of everything we went through. It was therapeutic for me to write about my fears and my failures, and let it go when I closed the cover of the book. It was easy to wake up the next day with a clean slate. I still read those journal entries every now and then. They keep things in perspective for me; I don’t take anything for granted.”
— Lori, Chicago
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© 2008, Hundreds of Heads Books, Inc.