Married? Here's some advice on sex and romance from the book "How to Survive Your Marriage" (Hundreds of Heads Books, www.hundredsofheads.com, $13.95), straight from people who've done it:
“Ahh, the first date: You picked her up, probably brought her flowers, and definitely opened every car and restaurant door in order to impress. After you get married, she’s still that same girl who wants to be swept off her feet and be made to feel, if only for a moment, like someone’s princess. Continue opening the doors. Oh yeah — and kiss a lot.”
—Anonymous, Minneapolis, married 5 years
———
“Display pictures of just the two of you. It reminds you (and everyone else) that there is strength and love that begins with that relationship.”
—M.L.M., Springfield, Ill., married 20 years
———
“Keep it interesting by always being attentive and giving. It can’t just be all about you. You have to be concerned about the other person. You have to want to make them feel as good as you feel. Sometimes you have to give of yourself when there’s no return. And if you truly love someone, you’ll give of yourself without even thinking about it.”
—W.D.O., Athens, Ga., married 4 years
———
“My father told me that the things you do to get a woman are the things you do to keep her. If I bought my wife flowers every Thursday when we were dating, I buy her flowers every Thursday now that we’re married. If we knocked boots three times a week before the wedding, we knock boots three times a week after the wedding as well. This is the best advice ever because it means that the best things about your relationship never change.”
—Steven Green, Los Angeles, married 10 years
———
“You need to make sure you have sex regularly. There’s a connection between intimacy and spirituality. If you’re not having good, regular, sweaty sex, I don’t think you’ll feel as connected to your partner. You need to touch each other a lot. You need to kiss a lot, even if it doesn’t lead to something more serious. You’ve got to stay physically connected.”
—J.H., Athens, Ga., married 5 years
———
“Always expect your partner to desire more than you can offer. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking you are the ultimate, because then you’ll become arrogant and lazy. I am forever looking at guys who are better looking and better mannered than myself because it helps keep my attitude in check. After all these years, every time my wife and I have sex, I still try hard to please her.”
—Emmillio E., Vancouver, Canada, married 33 years
———
“I think surprises are great to keep romance alive. One year I kidnapped my husband for our anniversary! I told him that we were going away, but I didn’t tell him where. He had always wanted to stay overnight in Atlantic City, NJ. So I packed both of our suitcases and some special treats like champagne while he was at work, and then I picked him up at the end of the day. I made up convoluted directions, pretending that our destination was half an hour past Atlantic City. But at the last minute, just before we drove past the hotel, I said, ‘Turn here.’ He was so surprised, especially when he saw the suitcases!”
—Molly Brown, Allentown, Pa., married 23 years
———
“For a fun, budget getaway, we have ‘Tim & Kate’s Bed & Breakfast.’ We don’t answer the phone or watch TV and no one is allowed to contact us for that weekend. We treat it like a vacation at home. We go out to eat for every meal, see plays and go hiking as if we were tourists in our own town.”
—Kate Moynihan, Minneapolis, married 5 years
———
“I keep the romance alive in my marriage by doing simple, unexpected things. A card in the mail or placed on the counter; a rose placed under the windshield wiper or delivered to work or home; a surprise dinner of favorite foods; and letting her know she is the most important person in the world to me.”
—R.A., Cedar Rapids, Iowa, married 25 years
———
© 2006, Hundreds of Heads Books, Inc.