Married? Here's some advice on handling a big crisis from the book "How to Survive Your Marriage" (Hundreds of Heads Books, www.hundredsofheads.com, $13.95), straight from people who've done it:
"If you live together long enough, there will be lots of crises because life is not a smoothly paved road. That's when you really need to stick together. It's easy to be with someone during the fun times. The true test of a marriage is sticking it out during the tough times."
Janice, Cincinnati, married 35 years
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"Remember the higher purpose. When marriage gets tough, sometimes it's helpful to clarify the most important benefits and purposes of your relationship. Then ask yourself, 'If I achieve that purpose, what will I gain?' Once you have identified your higher purpose, you'll gain some perspective really fast."
Jean Nick; Kintnersville, Pa.; married 13 years
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"Crisis can test a marriage but panicking, freaking out, and otherwise losing it doesn't help at all. My husband lost two jobs within a few years, and due to the recession, it took months to find new work. At the same time, I was also at the end of my pregnancy, so it was a very stressful time. I made sure that we both had space - both physical space, and time. I bit my tongue many times when I wanted to nag him or even help him with the search. And we made sure we spent some positive time together - seeing matinees or going out to lunch."
A.T.; Arlington, Mass.; married 13 years
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"A definite warning sign that your spouse might be cheating would be if your spouse is spending more time with other people than he or she is with you. If that's the case, then I'd check into where he or she is going, who they're with and why. You don't want to assume the worst at first, but don't be naive."
Debbie L.; Camillus, N.Y.; married two years
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"Crises we've faced: job loss, euthanizing pets, grandmother's death, his daughter's fight with Hodgkin's disease, his other daughter's car accidents, my breast cancer and mastectomy. Basically, we depend on each other. We talk about how the incident makes us feel and then we support one another and tell each other what we need."
Jan Alder, Atlanta, married seven years
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Hundreds of Heads Books' survival guides offer the wisdom of the masses by assembling the experiences and advice of hundreds of people who have gone through life's biggest challenges and have insight to share. Visit www.hundredsofheads.com to share your advice or get more information.
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© 2007, Hundreds of Heads Books, Inc.