Married? Here's some advice on communication and other challenges from the book "How to Survive Your Marriage" (Hundreds of Heads Books, www.hundredsofheads.com, $13.95), straight from people who've done it:
“The hardest part of counseling is that you really can’t avoid conflict and arguing during the process. That can be very difficult if one of the reasons you’re there in the first place is because you don’t open up and communicate in order to not have a fight. Heated discussions will ensue. And that’s OK and, sadly, necessary. You just have to talk through things in a grown-up fashion.
—David Hubbell, Kirkland, Wash., married 8 years
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“My husband is not into communication. A lot of times he is very defensive. We do best when I bring an issue up by e-mail. Meanwhile, doing Pilates keeps me from going to bed angry.”
—Isabella, Santa Cruz, Calif., married 3 years
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“Keep in mind that usually when communication goes wrong we make this strange assumption that there is malice. But remember, there is no malice. You married this person. You just have to find a way to understand each other. There are a lot of ways to make that happen.”
—Deb, Alpharetta, Ga., divorced
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“If I’m particularly hurt or angry about something, I write a letter to him so I won’t go on and on about the same thing but I’ll be to the point. Those letters, like in person, end with my positive feelings about him and our relationship.”
—Monica Y. Dennis, Bridgeport, Conn., married 3 years
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“Just because you have a huge fight doesn’t mean you’re going to break up.”
—D.S., Boston, married 6 years
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“After 16 years of marriage, the greatest thing we have ever done is to have family meetings every week. We plan everything together—the grocery list and menu for the week, the recipes, and the schedules for each person. Then, the kids know what to expect, and everyone works together.”
—Anonymous, Denver, married 16 years
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“’You’re the one who . . . ‘ is the key phrase that lets you know when things are not going well in a conversation with your spouse. That phrase is always used when you have started to cast blame. When my husband and I hear it, it usually makes us laugh. We don’t say it very often anymore.”
—Christine C. Godin, San Antonio, Texas, married 20 years
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Hundreds of Heads Books’ survival guides offer the wisdom of the masses by assembling the experiences and advice of hundreds of people who have gone through life’s biggest challenges and have insight to share. Visit www.hundredsofheads.com to share your advice or get more information.
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© 2007, Hundreds of Heads Books, Inc.