In our book "How to Survive Your In-Laws," married couples shared their experience and advice on meeting their future in-laws. Here are some excerpts:
MY WIFE’S FATHER WAS A RETIRED MAJOR in the Scottish army. She had warned me that her last boyfriend had gotten into a tiff with him, and her dad ended up pushing him down a flight of stairs! I was a bit cautious, but determined not to be intimidated. We had dinner and a brief chat. As I was leaving at the end of the night, I addressed him as “Sir.” He shook my hand and said, “You can call me Mr. McMullen.” Without thinking, I instantly replied, “Great, you can call me Mr. Allison.” Somehow, that broke the ice, and we have gotten along well ever since.
—GORDON ALLISON
MARIETTA, GEORGIA
DON’T GET DRUNK. I did that the first time I met my mother-in-law. My boyfriend’s mom had come in for
Thanksgiving. She suggested we open a bottle of wine while we were cooking. We drank a second bottle during dinner. I don’t handle wine very well, and I was nervous. We started watching a movie after dinner. Everyone dozed off, but apparently no one slept as hard as I did. I woke up three hours later with grit in my eyes and my hair standing on end. Luckily, his mom thought it was funny.
—M.G.
BELLEVILLE, ILLINOIS
THE BEST DEFENSE IS A GOOD OFFENSE. To prevent hours of family strife and anguish, prep your spouse on what to expect from the in-laws. Review topics that are taboo and will set off your parents’ alarms. Point out your parents’ quirks and pet peeves. Why stick your hand into boiling water if you know it’s boiling? Preparation is your best defense and the key to peace and harmony.
—RODNEY YAP
SANTA MONICA, CALIFORNIA
BUY A PRESENT, use manners that you normally use at Grandma’s house, and give tons of compliments, particularly about the house. I brought his mother a black ceramic Native American pot from New Mexico, where I grew up. Everything in her New England home was so floral and country that it looked out of place, but she said she liked it and put it on display. She definitely appreciated the effort.
—CHRISTIE
ALBUQUERQUE, NEW MEXICO
GUY TIP: If you’re hanging out at your in-laws’ house, especially if you’re staying there, offer to cook a meal for them. Go out and shop and make a good dinner. This works on a number of levels: It makes you stand out from other guys your wife might have dated, it makes them think of you as a caring and nourishing person who will be good for their daughter, and it encourages conversation, most of which will, you hope, center around you and what a great guy you are for cooking such a great meal.
—FRED
WASHINGTON, D.C.
MY PARTNER WAS SO NERVOUS the first time I met his family, he was sweating. No joke: He took a tranquilizer in the bathroom. The funny thing is, we all went out to dinner and had a great time. There was nothing to worry about! People put too much pressure on themselves. My in-laws later told me that they knew I was “the one” that night.
—E.P.
MILFORD, CONNECTICUT
NO MATTER HOW YOUR FIRST MEETING with your in-laws goes, give them a second chance. The first time I met my mother-in-law, we went to her house for dessert on Thanksgiving. The whole family was there. She ignored me all night. When I left, she didn’t even say goodbye. The next day, when we met for brunch, her first word to me was, “Goodbye.” I looked at her and said, “Excuse me?” She explained, “You left yesterday before I could say goodbye, so I wanted to make up for that.” I realized that although she has a gruff exterior, she’s actually a teddy bear on the inside.
—P.O.
NEW BRUNSWICK, NEW JERSEY