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Getting to Know Your Roomate
The head adviser fields a "different" question.
Q: I have kind of a stupid problem. I've had the same roommate all year, and we get along fine. The only thing is, I can't figure out what race my roommate is. His last name is not helpful. The curiosity is killing me. What do I do?
n Inquisitive Ira
A: Ira, I want to congratulate you. After being an academic advisor for 10 years, I thought I had heard it all, but this is a new one for me. Since you've taken the time to write to me, I gather that you and your roommate don't have the sort of relationship where you can just say, "Dude, what are you?" and I appreciate that you don't want to be in any way offensive, especially since you have two more months of school to get through in the shared room. Try opening up about your culture and background, and see what happens. Most families in the United States originally came from somewhere else, so we all have stories - about where we came from, about making a new life in America, about learning the language, and my personal favorite: about food. Without being too obvious about it, start telling some of your family stories. If your roommate doesn't jump in, you won't be any worse off than when you started. But if he does, you may get the answer to your question - plus, it could turn into a bondfest, and the two of you might finish out the year as better friends. Good luck!
From Other HEADS
DON’T WORRY IF YOUR ROOMMATE is from a different world. I moved in with a gal from small-town Ontario, Canada, who had never met a Jewish person. When she found out I was Jewish, she asked me all sorts of funny questions. On one occasion, when I explained that Lay's potato chips were kosher, she worried that she'd be converting to Judaism by eating a bag! We never became close friends, but she was a perfect roommate for me. We kept the place clean, were respectful of each other's stuff, and had a perfectly nice relationship.
-- A.S.
QUEENS UNIVERSITY
KEEP AN OPEN MIND. I talked to my roommate on the phone and I was totally convinced that I wasn't going to like her. She sounded like a person who was very different from me, but now she's one of my best friends. I was lucky it worked out that way. People came and hung out in our room and stayed on our futons. It was a great time.
-- LAUREN
GEORGETOWN UNIVERSITY
Web Resources
Friendship Building Tips from SUNY – Buffalo:
http://ub-counseling.buffalo.edu/friendship.shtml
How to Live with Your Roommate - advice from St. Joseph's University
www.sju.edu/counseling/pages/roomate.html
The folks at the University of Miami know everything about Getting Along with Your Roommate:
http://www6.miami.edu/counseling-center/pdfs/relationships/getting_along_with_a_roommate.pdf
And if you have to fight with your roommate, the University of Texas at Austin will help you fight fair!:
www.utexas.edu/student/cmhc/booklets/fighting/fighting.html