Before the end-of-summer craziness takes over your life - last parties with everyone you ever knew, packing, pre-registering, and overstressing about the big move - be open to actually talking with your parents. You and they may very well have different expectations about the life you - and they - are going to lead once you're out of the house.

Planning on returning to the nest on Friday nights for some parental laundry service and home cooking? You’d better call first; the old folks may be off to a salsa-dancing weekend, or maybe a spot of stock-car racing. You might be surprised that they aren't moping around at home, pathetically waiting by the phone for you to call. But all it means is that you have well-adjusted parents who expect you to lead an independent life, and who are, in their way, showing you how to do it. It's a worthwhile trade for doing your own laundry.

It's much, much easier to talk about these all things now - before you go.

HEAD Lines

Impress your parents! Start a conversation with them on these issues:

• How often will you be coming home to visit?

• How frequently will you call home? (And do requests for money and shipments of food or possessions count as calls?)

• What are your academic goals for your first semesters? Straight As and nothing less? Or is everyone comfortable with a settling-in period?

• Will you report in every time you get a grade? How about a monthly report? Or a mid-semester check-in?

• And what about your mail? Should they forward it to you at school? Is it okay with you if they open it? Even if it's from the Dean's office? (Think about this one carefully!)

From Other HEADS

GIVE IT A CHANCE. When my parents moved me to college, the dorm didn't have elevators, so they helped me carry my stuff up four floors. After that, we went back to the hotel where they were staying and I burst into tears. I said, "Please take me with you. I want to go home. I'll go to school there." My dad looked at me and said, "I would take you, but I just moved all of your stuff up four flights of stairs. Stay a semester and then see what you think." That was great advice. Eventually, you get involved and make many new friends.

-- ERIN

CENTRAL BIBLE COLLEGE

I HAD A REALLY GOOD TIME after I committed myself. I think it's all a matter of making the decision that you want to be there and you want to be doing what you're doing. People spent a lot of time choosing the college they want to go to. It makes a big difference if you're excited about where you end up.

-- ANNE

GEORGE WASHINGTON UNIVERSITY

Web Resources

A good article about common freshman-year worries (You're not alone!): http://encarta.msn.com/college_article_freshmanfears/freshman_fears_and_what_to_do_about_them.html

And send this link to your parents:

www.greatschools.net/cgi-bin/showarticle/670  

HoH Tips

• If you and your parents disagree, keep the temperature down by explaining your point of view. Use the "I"-statement method: "I think I should be responsible for my own academic progress, and for choosing to share that information with you." Try that, instead of "You're wrong. I'm not going to do it." That's so high school.