Here's some advice on handling an empty nest from the book "How to Survive Your Marriage" (Hundreds of Heads Books, www.hundredsofheads.com, $13.95), straight from people who've done it:
“When your kids are all grown up and out of the house, you actually have to figure out how to love your wife again. The first year is always the hardest, but it gets easier.”
—D., Cedar Rapids, Iowa, married 35 years
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“Don’t be so sure you’re going to have an empty nest. My two kids have gone and come back a lot. It’s hard when they go off on their own. I dreaded their new lives, worrying that I wouldn’t be there all of the time to protect them. But then that fear wears off, and when they come back, you feel like your world has been invaded! Also, when kids move away, they don’t take their stuff with them! Our basement is a furniture warehouse. I don’t know if we’re ever going to have an empty nest because it’s still so full of stuff!”
—Anonymous, Long Valley, N.J., married 35 years
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“Empty nest: My first thought was ‘HOORAY! Now let’s do whatever we want, whenever we want.’ But it doesn’t always work that way. It actually is a very sad time, and one that a mother especially feels, because she no longer feels ‘needed,’ and her hands-on mothering is done. In time, you do learn, however, that what you really want is for your child to grow into a mature, responsible adult — so, get over it!”
—Nola Smith, Tampa, Fla., married 23 years
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“I have had glimpses of the way it’s going to be with the kids gone — it’s quiet, it’s calm, there’s not a mountain of dirty laundry to clean.”
—Claudia Shamp, Athens, Ga., married 21 years
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“When people get older and their kids move out, there’s less and less a couple has in common. Make an effort to do things together again. My husband and I both like sports and golf is something men and women can do together. We started practicing together and now play together during the week, which is great.”
—Helen, Morton Grove, Ill., married 40 years
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“Having an empty nest was a great change. It was a freeing experience, not having to worry about where they were and what they were doing. You still worry, but it’s not as bad when they live somewhere else. When they are home, you have to wait up until the middle of the night for them to roll in from being out with friends. Suddenly, we could take vacations whenever we wanted and take spur-of-the-moment day trips. The freedom to do things whenever you feel like it is balanced against missing them.”
—H.E.R., Averill Park, N.Y., married 44 years
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Hundreds of Heads Books’ survival guides offer the wisdom of the masses by assembling the experiences and advice of hundreds of people who have gone through life’s biggest challenges and have insight to share. Visit www.hundredsofheads.com to share your advice or get more information.
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© 2006, Hundreds of Heads Books, Inc.