My daughter wanted to go every place all the time. I had to make sure where she was all the time. I was nosy. I asked her, “Where are you going?” And I was the mom that drove; I checked up on her. If she told me she was going to be someplace I would drive by to see if she was there. I never told her that. And I had no problem eavesdropping on my kids. I found out a certain something about my daughter by eavesdropping and it was a good thing, because I stopped her from doing something stupid. I made up an excuse about how I “accidentally” heard her say something to a friend on the phone. Then she told me about it, and we had a talk.

You also have to let them make their own mistakes. ...

Use the 20 percent/80 percent rule to teach teens how to handle problems. Life is 20 percent what happens to you and 80 percent how you react to it. You don’t control the 20 percent. But you sure as heck control the 80 percent. I give that advice to teens just before I swear them into military service. One example I give them is about a guy going off to basic training. That guy can’t control the fact that he’s got this man in a Smokey the Bear hat talking to him in a really loud voice. What he can control is how he reacts to the yelling. That’s what drill instructors call “attitude.” As long as the guy has the right attitude (i.e. he doesn’t react by smarting off), he’ll be good to go.

I believe teens need you to trust them and believe in them as good people. If you go threatening them to do something right, or else, you won't get the results you want. Assume they will do what they're supposed to do - why would they not? - and they will want to live up to your expectations more often than not.

COmpletely agree. Treat your teen and his friends as if they are lovable, trustworthy, capable, and admirable ... and watch what happens. This doesn’t mean they
don’t need guidance and limits: It simply means that kids need to know you have faith in their goodness. Over the years, I’ve noticed that most adults treat teens as if they are always on their way to trouble, and I suspect this is why they
sometimes make our worst nightmares come true. So act as though you’re waiting to catch them doing something right, something noble. You’ll be amazed.

I don't know. There is nothing like losing privileges to get a teen’s attention.