Feeling blue from a break-up? Others have walked in your shoes.
Think your break-up is bad? Well, who are we to judge? It probably
is bad. But you might feel better knowing that other people have been through tough times. From our title, "How to Survive Dating," we've collected a few break-up tales of woe.
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I dated a guy for over a year, and it was amazing! I was going to marry him. And then he broke up with me over the phone - over the phone! I was like, "If you're a man, you'll come here and break up with me to my face." Then he came over and we made out. Then we hooked up twice the following year, and he gave me a urinary tract infection. Then I saw him out with someone else. I was calm. I went up to him and said, "Hey, what's up?" He wouldn't even acknowledge me. He had never done that before. I was fuming. I couldn't believe he was doing that. The next thing I knew, my drink was all over him. It made me feel very liberated.
ROBYN
ATLANTA, GA
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One of my girlfriends broke up with me over email. Don't ever do that to a guy. It was bad because I wasn't able to get a real explanation from her. All she said was, "We are broken up, goodbye."
YONI
WASHINGTON D.C.
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My first serious boyfriend broke up with me on our one-year anniversary. But he still had a plane ticket to come and see me in Europe for a month. He came and stayed with me at my house, and I was trying to get back with him the whole time. Then I found out he was calling his new girlfriend on my phone bill!
LAURA
IOWA CITY, IOWA
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I was engaged to this girl who was living with her grandmother in Colorado while I was stationed Ft. Lewis, Washington, on active duty with the Army. Because of my schedule, we sometimes went months without seeing each other. One day, her grandmother, who adored me, called me out of the blue and told me that my girlfriend was pregnant - with someone else's baby! In the span of a couple of months, my girlfriend had moved to Alabama to be with the guy who impregnated her, realized he was a complete ass, had an abortion and moved back to Colorado. She had no idea her grandmother told me any of this. She called me up and asked innocently, "When are we getting married?" Needless to say, my answer was, "Never."
JADE
CENTENNIAL, COLORADO
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So far 2 posts in 2 talkbacks
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1.
Help (By:Eli313)
2010.04.22
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Well...Ladies, you are not going to belive this one. I was living with a guy for 2 years. He asked me to marry him. I said yes. Told work and all my family all over the world. My Uncle was coming to walk me down the isle from Scotland. Then on a Tuesday I found out I was having a baby. Went to the Dr.s on Wednesday and everything was confirmed. Then I got a call from my brother telling me that my Mother had had a stroke and was in the hospital and that he had stent tickets for XXX and I to get on a plane and go to Michigan. I came home and he was not here. I called him and he said that he was with one of the women he worked with and taking care of her 7 month old daughter. When I told him about my Mum he was concerned and then said that he had to stay where he was because the "baby" needed him. Now, I was having his baby and had not had the opportunity to tell him yet. So, I showed up at the womans house and he told me he was leaving me for the "baby". (hers, not ours). Pushed me into the car and told me to get over myself. So, the long and short of it is this....I lost my husband to be...miscarried a baby...and nearly lost my mother in a total of 3 days....
How do you get over this?
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2.
Bernard Coakley: Picky lying cowardly academic snob seeks bright accomplished heartfelt women for public and private service to career and ego
2012.01.25
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GIRL don't date him!
I am a gay man in love with a beautiful lyrical brilliant woman healer of open heart and deep innocent love of people. That is not the story or question I put to this audience.
This woman was pursued by a married man, a professor of geology who is known in his field of arctic science research. I warned her that his behavior from the start was shrieking academic snobbery and careerism combined with cowardice so pervasive that he moved his wife and children to Germany rather than deal with her honestly, divorce her and keep his kids with him at least part time in Alaska.
My gay man radar was going off the charts to protect this woman.
I took her to an absinthe bar to try to convince her to run fast and not look back.
All to no avail.
Long before he moved his wife out of the way to Germany the professor proved charming and brilliantly effective at engaging women although he is personally quite ugly, low class, with bent personal habits that are disgusting.
He is however a sexual pig and from talking with other highly refined female friends I understand that can be attractive and refreshing for women used to high minded sensitive politically correct men.
My friend became involved with the professor and broke her own marriage, nearly ruining her life and relationship with her children to risk being with this man. In hindsight we saw evidence of his cowardice in his refusal to tell his therapist about her, even though he professed that she was more important to him than anyone except his children. Well-- I pointed out to her how important his children were to him.
Blinded by whatever charm had allowed this man to seduce other women who worked for him while on cruises and academic projects, my dear friend believed in this man, while noting that his former conquests avoided him like the devil incarnate at seminars and did not share the same blithe stance he assumed when he spoke about the encounters which in his mind had been equitable, mutual, and ended with friendship.
Given the personalities of the players at this point you can guess what enfolded. While my friend was torn with legal and emotional battles from ending her marriage she received a call from the professor. It was deep winter and she was struggling to hold life together. The professor told her he could no longer sustain a long distance relationship with her because “every effort and cost and time had to go towards seeing his children in Germany”.
She remembers the conversation as you do when in shock and crumbling inside, and remembers an intuitive feeling washing over her with the sickening thought, "Oh my God he has someone else."
She said , “It would be fair to tell me if there is someone else.”
He denied it.
He continued to talk and text and email her over the next year, and she continued to believe what he had told her. Finally he emailed her from Vermont telling her how he thought about her while cross country skiing “ with friends” . My friend actually told him at that point that he sounded like he was in love. He then admitted having a ‘new love’ and let it slip that they had met a year before, forgetting the lies he told her while caught up in bragging about the accomplishments of this new lover that would feed his academic ambitions. Even this information about when the new seduction started turned out to be false.
Looking back as I helped her design the storyboard on this fiasco of a filthy straight man, we could see the layers of lies and cowardice that she was too charmed to admit.
He had done to my friend the same thing he did to his wife and the earlier lovers in his life, moving her aside and lying to her when a better career steppingstone appeared.
Here is my question. My friend is very caring and is concerned about the professor's new lover. she is a law professor and hopefully smart and strong enough to protect herself.
What is possible if anything in this kind of case? It is unlikely that the new lover would listen to one of the old ones, expecially while in the thrall of the professor's consuming sexual tendencies and clever verbal seductions. In both straight and gay relationships in my experience when these kinds of people are targeting their next conquest the drama and intensity is made to seem only for you--the target. Only later do you feel shot at.
What can be done?
Has anyone successfully warned a new lover when the character of the individual has shown itself to be harmful, false, and clueless to the consequences of his behavior?
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