Is it work or can it just come naturally? Here are some perspectives from those with experience.
Playing the dating game? Here's some general words of wisdom from the book "How to Survive Dating" (Hundreds of Heads Books, www.hundredsofheads.com, $12.95), straight from people who've done it:
“Love is like any other hobby: If you want to be good at it, you have to practice every day. Sure, you’re going to mess up; it’s how you deal with it that determines the outcome. I say, overcome your failures and keep going. If you think constantly about how you can improve, and then you do it, you will only get better at whatever it is you want to, especially when it comes to love.”
—Eddie P., San Diego, Calif.
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“Never date a workaholic who says he will have more time for you in the future. I dated a guy who held several jobs and was always working. I thought he would change, but I got sick of waiting around for him.”
—A.F., Chicago
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“It’s OK to tell your friend if you have a problem with his significant other. I dated a girl once who was a compulsive liar—she told me that she worked as a U.S. Boxing ring girl in Tokyo and Mexico City, that she was crowned Miss Missouri and that she held the record for selling the most Girl Scout cookies in the entire country. My friends were too nice and didn’t say anything until I realized it myself. But I wish they had told me.”
—Anonymous, Iowa City, Iowa
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“Know the person well. Observe him in many situations. Watch what happens when he is angry. See how he treats waiters and cab drivers. Look for character, because that’s what you will rely on later.”
—A.N.P., Pittsburgh
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“An optimist laughs to forget. A pessimist forgets to laugh. You have to go into a relationship with high hopes. Always try to see the best in people, or they won’t look for the best in you. And try to remember that dating should be fun.”
—Cindy Pfeffer, Forest Hill, Md.
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“Just enjoy the dating scene. I spent so much time worrying about whether every guy I met was ‘the one.’ I didn’t just enjoy getting dressed up, putting on makeup, and going out for the evening. I examined and re-examined every word my date said to find out if he loved me and whether he was marriage material. When I finally became exhausted with that process, I just enjoyed dating someone. I changed my expectations and really began to have fun. That’s when I met ‘the one.’ We got married the following year.”
—Stephanie, New York City
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© 2006, Hundreds of Heads Books, Inc.