Since my last column, I have traveled to Cancun on, ahem, research. OK, it was JDate's spring fling at Club Med. There were 600 of us.

And, full disclosure, as a journalist intent on mining for stories, the resort paid for my trip. So I couldn't very well decline. It would have been rude. I can't say I met my husband there, but I did, in fact, obtain some very useful information. One, it doesn't matter how much sunscreen you wear in Cancun. The sun is evil there.

And two, JDate's lovely dating coach from Chicago was on hand with insightful tips for relationship hunting. I am hoping to bring Elizabeth Aloni (she made a coaching appearance on The Bachelor) to Atlanta for a lecture in conjunction with this column. But until then, I'm going to share some of the highlights without spoiling her show.

Aloni, who, by the way, met her husband on JDate, says singles should make lists — but not just any lists, excruciatingly specific lists.

So, for example, in an exercise during the trip, she asked for volunteers to name what they are looking for in a mate. One guy raised his hand to say that he's seeking "not stupid." (I, on the other hand, am seeking stupid — I wrote a tongue-in-cheek essay to this effect on Yahoo called Giving Up Smart that's easy to find on the Web.)

So when Aloni prodded this man, whose negative impulse turned off at least one woman, who publicly advised him of this, we found that what he really wants is an independent thinker.

Obviously, this is related to, but not identical to, "not stupid." And the distinction is important for one to clarify his or her relationship goals. At the same time, one must exemplify the qualities sought in someone else. Aloni likens the process to "The Secret" — the Oprah-certified media sensation whose creator, Rhonda Byrne, explains as the law of attraction.

In other words, our thoughts lead us to matching realities. There's a strong case to be made that directing your thoughts (along with your efforts) toward meaningful goals will help you attain them. Why not try it for love? At the very least, it's a good method for discipline and self-improvement when dating guarantees ups, downs and the occasional sideways.