My first two years of college, I always gave my friends with significant others a hard time. Not because I didn’t like their bf or gf. Just because I inevitably thought they spent too much time with that person. Whenever I wanted to watch the Braves game or go out to dinner, my friend would already have plans with that lover boy or girl.
Then out of nowhere it happened–I got a serious boyfriend. And one who attended a different college nonetheless. And that college happened to be in a different state.
Nearly every weekend I was visiting my boyfriend at his school or taking a trip with him to the mountains, beach or my family’s farm. I justified us not spending time in Athens with my sorority’s rule that no boys can spend the night in the house, which I lived in at the time. Although my friends would volunteer their couches for us to crash on, we disregarded those offers much of the time. (I mean how many times do you want the pullout that caves in at the middle?)
My friends began to feel unloved just as I had in previous years. Yep, I became that person who couldn’t equally split time between friends and the boyfriend. I denied the fact for practically a year. Then I had to admit my fault when I couldn’t recall the last time I had seen one of my supposed best guy friends (who lived less than a mile away!).
So my boyfriend and I started pulling out the calendar to plan weekends. (Yes, I’m a slightly compulsive planner, recently being awarded the Senior Superlative of “Most Likely to Marry Her Palm Pilot.”) We make a conscious effort to schedule time with friends and each other.
The best part of it all is that my boyfriend and my friends have become friends themselves as a result of us all spending time together. These new friendships have made our dilemma much easier in the end. Now we can all hang out and everyone gets time together.
Or even when I have a meeting, my boyfriend goes to play basketball or out to lunch with my friends…well, I guess I should say our friends now. He got so close with one of my girlfriends that she dubbed herself his second girlfriend.
I realize it takes some time to work out that happy balance between friends and significant other time, but WOW is it necessary.